Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Dreams help guide me to peace

I had this sad hurtful dream last night about my sister.
I was standing up for myself by playing the game of seduction. It  was keeping me safe from harm. At this my sister  sneered at me and said "I would have handled that different." Instead of me asking how different, I got pissed and hurt and separated from her. What followed was a life time of pain and sorrow. I even lost an organ, it just fell out of my body and left me in deep pain. This represented a deep vital part of me was missing.  All this happened because I couldn't see the situation from a different perspective. I was so stuck in 'knowing' that i was hurt 'by you' that i forgot to see that it was just a silly difference in perspective. In this dream, I created drama in my life for no reason. 
What does all this mean outside of the dream world?

 This is what i took from it:

In order to be stress/ drama free and live a full life of peace and happiness i must:
- Conitunlly ask questions 
- Don't assume. 
- Don't hold grudges. 
- Check in and make sure my thoughts are surveying me and guiding me to the positive good or me. 
- I must shift perspectives once in a while just to make your sure ego isn't running the show
-My body truly does reflect my internal self. So keep mind and spirit free of stress, worry and drama and body will healthfully thank me for it. 

This holiday Season I ask of you, the reader, to think of these simple things as you reconnect with family.  Don't loose yourself and another loved one over simple perspective differences. See the world through the eyes of nature and realize we all change like the wind. Allow that change to blow through, and hope the refreshing rain, beautiful rainbows, crisp clean snow and delightful sun will follow. 

"I don't want to be in a trance…I want things to change like the shadows and patterns that fall from the sun"- Van Vliet http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Beefheart

Sunday, December 19, 2010

OMG a Vegan’s coming to Dinner!

When my husband Gabriel came home after a 3-week work vacation, he told me he was going back to eating vegan. (He had been vegan 2 years in collage.)  Instantly I was frozen with the thought “how am I going to cook for us? What are we going to eat?”  For the next few days everything he cooked was amazing but I was still starving! Not because we were not eating enough, but because the word “vegan” created a huge block in my mind.

Let me clear one thing up off the bat:  Just because he was eating vegan didn’t mean he wanted me to eat vegan as well. However, in our home I respect his philosophy. I love cooking and eating together, it’s the greatest moments of our days. So in our home I cook vegan.

So he tells me he is eating vegan and I am freaking out and constantly hungry.
“Well, what are you hungry for?” Gabriel asked.
“Pasta!” I said with excitement.
“We can eat pasta. What else?’ he replied.
“A sandwich.”
“ We can eat a sandwich. What else?”

I thought about this for a minute. Then he replied, “We can eat anything we want. I am choosing not to eat anything that comes from an animal. Most pastas and breads don’t have eggs, milk or butter…”

At that, I got a clear picture of what vegan meant: No Animal Products. That makes sense to me. We had already been eating mostly vegetarian and I am lactose intolerant so I hadn’t been eating dairy. Pretty much I had been eating vegan for a while without even knowing it. Now that it is a conscious decision, we are making the BEST FOOD: vegan chocolate mouse, amazing pastas and sandwiches, chili rellenos, stuffed cabbage, vegan sushi, vegan wraps. All these tasty treats have been shared with friends at potlucks and gatherings (sometimes we don’t even tell them it’s vegan until the end of the night.) They are always amazed with how tasty everything is, in fact most of the time they like it better than the non-vegan dishes.  Plus I have lost 8 pounds not even tying and pigging out on chocolate, mouse, avocados, coconut products, pizza and so much more!

So if you have a vegan coming to dinner don’t freak out. Here are a few tips to guide you to creating healthy and tasty vegan dishes.


If you use: NON-VEGAN
Use this instead: VEGAN
Mayonnaise
Vegenaise or other eggless mayonnaise
Cheese
Daiya   www.daiyafoods.com
Daiya is tapioca based: it melts and is super yummy
Chicken/ Beef Broth
Buy Veggie Broth or Make your own Veggie Broth: Simmer veggies in water. Add salt pepper and olive oil. Stain the vegetables out and wha la you have veggie broth. (You can also add a dash of soy sauce or Braggs)
Butter
Non Dairy Spread: I like “Earth Balance Natural Spread”  www.earthbalancenatural.com
 Milk
Soy, Almond, Oat, or my favorite Coconut Milk
Hot Dogs
Vegan / Meatless Hot Dogs
Chili or Beans in a can
Vegetarian Chili or Vegetarian Beans in a can
Chocolate
Dark Chocolate
Scrambled Eggs
This one you’ll need to practice a few times to get it right: Tofu, turmeric for color, onions, salt and pepper, mushrooms, tomato, cumin, garlic, jalapeno, oil.
Baked goods that request eggs
egg replacer or chia seeds or apple sauce
chia seeds: 3 Tablespoons warm water
+ 1 teaspoon ground chia seed meal
= to 1 egg.




Anything else
Start looking at the labels on the packages. If it has eggs or milk it is not vegan.
* Some popular vegetarian items like Morning Star sausages, garden burgers, or some veggie hot dogs may contain cheese and/or eggs.





Are you tying to lose weight?
Cut out soda and dairy for 2 months and see what happens.



Please send me your feedback: Was this helpful? What is it missing?

Here is some useful info from various sources:

What about the protein? (from  - http://www.vrg.org/nutrition/protein.htm#r1Protein is certainly an essential nutrient which plays many key roles in the way our bodies function, we do not need huge quantities of it. In reality, we need small amounts of protein. Only one calorie out of every ten we take in needs to come from protein.
The RDA recommends that we take in about 0.36 grams of protein per pound that we weigh.  This recommendation includes a generous safety factor for most people. When we make a few adjustments to account for some plant proteins being digested somewhat differently from animal proteins and for the amino acid mix in some plant proteins, we arrive at a level of 0.45 grams of protein per pound that we weigh. If we look at what vegans are eating, we find that between 10-12% of calories come from protein. This contrasts with the protein intake of non-vegetarians, which is close to 14-18% of calories.
Remember, though, with protein, more (than the RDA) is not necessarily better. There do not appear to be health advantages to consuming a high protein diet. Diets that are high in protein may even increase the risk of osteoporosis and kidney disease. 


Quinoa is a great source of protein: (from http://www.quinoa.net/) Quinoa can be substituted for almost any grain in almost any recipe. It looks and tastes great on its own, or in any dish from soup to salad. Quinoa contains more protein than any other grain; an average of 16.2  percent, compared with 7.5 percent for rice, 9.9 percent for millet, and 14 percent for wheat. Some varieties of quinoa are more than 20 percent protein. 

Quinoa's protein is of an unusually high quality. It is a complete protein, with an essential amino acid balance close to the ideal ... similar to milk! 

Quinoa's protein is  high in lysine, methionine and cystine. This makes it an excellent food to  combine with, and boost the protein value of, other grains (which are low in lysine), or soy (which is low in methionine and cystine). 


Thursday, December 9, 2010

SCHMUCKS and a smokin' hot tattooed sword swallower

Wednesday, December 8, 2010:
An amazingly hot tattooed sword swallower in a black bustier,  black circus capris and shinny black heals that show toe cleavage stands to the left of me talking to a large man  in a pinstriped suit with an extreme threshold for pain. Both wear a red flower on their lapel. Her's rest sweetly on her colorful tattooed left breast.  She is gathering her swords and placing them in a old violin case. I can only make out a few segments of their conversation. He congratulated her on the show she just completed… She tells him about her life: She is from Reno, moved to LA for a boy, the situation has gone sore so she will shortly be returning home to Reno to make enough money to truly join the circus life of LA.   A photographer from the Associated Press sits in the corner working on his Mac laptop, editing photos form the event. Two entertainment organizers sit at the table chatting, eating salad and sipping wine.

We are in the ballroom of the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. Adelaide is stretching in full make up and beautiful blue belly dance costume. I am stretching and writing and  observing. " What are you thinking Adelaide?" I ask.
She responds with a sweet smile: "I was thinning about how you told me you have fun with me."  About 1 hour ago we had the ballroom to ourselves. We stretched, rolled around on the floor, created silly choreographies and entertained each other. It's true. Every event is way more fun when we are together! Silly sister energy alive!

We drove from San Diego, left at 3pm. Arrived at 6:30. Hair, makeup and wardrobe until 8pm. Silliness until 8:45. Show time is 9pm. Oh wait 9pm is now…

In the lobby (turned secluded dinning area) the cast and media for "DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS" eat dinner, interview and shmooze. We are here to entertain during dessert for the  DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS DVD & Blu-ray Dinner for Journalists.  Apparently dinner has run late. One of the entertainment organizers leaves the room to get a ETA for our 30 minute dessert performance.   "It's an easy night for you girls," he says as he reenters the room. "You have 3 minutes."

"3 minutes until we go on?" I inquire.

 " No three minutes to perform. The dinner has run late," he explains.  " You'll get paid the same," he smiles.

My sits and I look at each other. We have to cut 30 minutes to 3 minutes! Fast, slow, sword, wings, veils, ….ahhh.  We talk him into 4:54 minutes ( a full song). Dessert is being served as we speak.

We decide to go with fiery veils to enter and transition to sultry swords. Our music starts and we are out the door into the dinning area. Beautiful, sensual, fun. Claps from all around.

10 minutes later we are undressing, jumping in the car, driving to Mel's dinner, then back to SD.  Adelaide and I chat all the way home about show ideas, philosophy, men, relationships, quantum physics and so much more.  I love my sister time! Wow what a fun Wed.

VIEW PHOTOS:
AP Photo Link: http://www.apimages.com/Search.aspx?st=det&sort=date&ids=Dinner%20for%20Schmucks%20DVD%20%26%20Blu-ray%20Dinner%20with%20journalists&showact=events&prds=10002&intv=3d&sh=10&kwstyle=or&adte=1291883686&pagez=60&cfasstyle=AND&

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Keep the freedom to do nothing at all alive.



The core of Timothy  Leary’s philosophy and phrases may be summarized as: “You are the owner and operator of your own brain. Free yourself from imprints and robot behavior. Take control of yourself. Question authority, including me.” He failed to foresee that many had no desire to free themselves from their imprints.

I spent about 4 hours yesterday researching everyone and everything on the Election Ballot for Nov 2 , 2010. I found it very difficult to trust who was saying what and why. I checked references,  past issues and pretty much anything I could find on each person/ issue. I realized most people ( including the 5 people in the house I am staying in right now) are not going to spend that much time to really figure out what each empty oval means to our city/ state/ county. In fact most people feel so hopeless they won't even vote. 

"Why should I?" said one girl sitting on the couch. The guy next to her replies "It's just giving into the system. It's just working into that system that I am against." Humm…If everyone would just ignore the government, then the government wouldn't have the power and backing to do much. In that case, we give no power to a bunch of idiots with guns and bombs and mind games, in which case they will take the power back with fear, violence and mind fucks. Have you watched the TV in the past 7 years? FEAR, VIOLENCE, MIND FUCK all over it! 

So I asked the rest of the room "What can we do? What should we do?" Silence from all around. There is a feeling of hopelessness. What can we do? What should we do?

I have no idea!  and i'm agitated by this. 

I am not political at all! But I do know that there are people in charge who make decisions about where I get my food,  how my children will be taught, how clean my streets, air and water is, and how organic my food is.  These people decide how much money is going to war and how much money is going to health. These people, that I know nothing about, are controlling what I see on TV and what I hear on the radio, worst yet the government ( and big 'supporters') are controlling the AP Press, which controls all the news we get.    

Then I ran into the problem of the actual voting system. If I vote Green, will that take away the vote from the Democrates which could allow a Republican to win? ..AHHH...It's like a chess match. 

This leaves most people feeling powerless, which in turn leads them to live their lives on auto pilot, which in turn allows the government to do as they please.  Some people think their true vote is in consumerism, which I believe is partially true. (Buy what you believe in. Support who you believe in. Put money into your community and passions.) But I also believe that we can't let the imprints of greedy government settle into our blueprints and into our children's blueprints. 

 Some people like having the freedom to not care and not participate. I get that. But I also get that we are one generation away from even having the right to vote taken away from us.  So we have to vote in order to keep at least that right alive. We may be one generation away from swimming with wild dolphins. One generation away from breathing clean air. One germination away from eating food that does not have Monsanto genes. We have to vote to keep our freedom to breathe clean air, to have good food, have great heath care, to have oceans full of fish and mammals and we have to vote in order to keep the freedom to do nothing at all.  

"Be the owner and operator of your own brain. Question authority." People are not supposed to be afraid of their government. The government is suppose to be afraid of its people. 

I'm not asking you to free yourself from robot behaviors. I'm asking  you to acknowledge that in America we have the luxury to have those robotic behaviors. Vote to keep the quality of that luxury alive. 


"Artists lie to tell the truth. Politicians lie to hide it."
- V for Vendetta -






Wednesday, October 20, 2010

"It’s good to have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out."

I decided to take a 3.5 week break of my life. I thought it was for my husbands sake. But now I see it was ultimately for me. It took 1.5 weeks to totally disengage from my "normal" state of being. As I sat in the lazy boy in another persons home watching other people live there lives in full I had to remind myself that I was just a visiter in their home. That meant that none of the drama was mine or needed to be mine. I had to remind myself that I didn't have to say anything or do anything to better or worsen any situation. I had to totally disengage from myself to fully allow the environment to be in it's "normal" state, as much as could, with me in it. As I lay in bed even, I would disengage: Dogs barking, a falling sliding door and I would think to myself "not my problem" and I would smile and cozy into the sleeping bag even deeper. It also helped that there has been nonstop Cannabis smoke filling the air and a cup full with cider, beer and/or wine. I don't smoke at all and I typically drink on average once, maybe twice, a week at most, so this fog of characters and chemicals put me into a freedom daze that I hadn't felt since before college.

Now I am on week 2.  I have an entrepreneur's mind, so I have already thought of countless ways for everyone here to make more money (however they seem to giggle them off as petty silly ways to an ego). I watch these ideas float through, only putting my attachment to a few that seem solid and stick. So far 2 have stuck. One is to interview a local shop owner. The other is to email one specific sentence to a soon to be close friend. For me that is a HUGE deal! For someone who jots down every idea and tries to chase after them like they are money trees or dark chocolate covered salted almonds ( YUM), it is very hard to let ideas go and only pay attention to the ones that seem most important to my wellbeing.( I'll try to keep this attribute with me when I return to my daily life. It is very freeing. )

The place I am staying in reminds me of a hostel in another county. And I mean that in the best way possible! it is clean in the important areas, but dusty and well…the toilets stink. We had to replace the shower curtain on day one! There are four people sharing the house with my husband and I and 2 more coming this week. There is one guy camping outside under the gazebo. Each day 2-6 other people drop in to work. And between that so many characters call and stop by adding their own spin to the intense drama.  The food we are making is amazing! (GREAT recipes coming soon!) I love all the people we have with us! Everyone is such a character. Through the shit talking and bouts of frustration , you can tell there is a sense of loving family and security. We are about 8 miles from town, then down a dirt road for about 1 mile into the forest. One of our neighbors is an ex-con who is the sweetest, most talkative, cheery person (and precise pencil and pointillism artists) I have ever met. The other neighbor lives with his wife is a beautiful house he built, filled with wood and glass work he creates ( plIus he is a film actor and straight shooter).  No phone. Spotty internet. fresh, sunny outdoors…ahhh!

Anyhow, so now I have 1.5 weeks left on this non-adventure adventure and I am loving every minute of it. I am now engaged partially, although i'm still trying to keep my personality at bay. My personality, or should I say personalities, so needed a rest!

I use to do this all the time growing up. By 'this' I mean allowing my ego/personality to sit on the side lines as I totally explore another being's life and lifestyle. In fact in middle school I even traded lives with a friend for a week for a science project. I was Julie for one whole week and she was Leila. I lived at her house, went to her classes, took her exams, and she did the same for me. People called me Julie ( even her sister, brother and parents). Her life was filled with school, cleaning and boardgames. The life she had taken over for me was filled with school, piano lessons, hebrew school, and karate. When we traded back lives she told me "I had no ideas you had a crazy life!" To me her life was simple and easy. It was nice for a week but I do love the craziness of excitement in the mind and adventure of learning and traveling into other realms of experiencing.

As one gets older it seems the only way to truly get out of the self is by mind altering substances that force the self/ personality/ego to step aside. But for me it is necessary to keep that flexibility of the self naturally. My motto is a flexible mind is a flexible body.  But as Karl Jansen M.D., Ph.D. wrote "It’s good to have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out."


… until next time. Dreams and Realities

"It’s good to have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out."

I decided to take a 3.5 week break of my life. I thought it was for my husbands sake. But now I see it was ultimately for me. It took 1.5 weeks to totally disengage from my "normal" state of being. As I sat in the lazy boy in another persons home watching other people live there lives in full I had to remind myself that I was just a visiter in their home. That meant that none of the drama was mine or needed to be mine. I had to remind myself that I didn't have to say anything or do anything to better or worsen any situation. I had to totally disengage from myself to fully allow the environment to be in it's "normal" state, as much as could, with me in it. As I lay in bed even, I would disengage: Dogs barking, a falling sliding door and I would think to myself "not my problem" and I would smile and cozy into the sleeping bag even deeper. It also helped that there has been nonstop Cannabis smoke filling the air and a cup full with cider, beer and/or wine. I don't smoke at all and I typically drink on average once, maybe twice, a week at most, so this fog of characters and chemicals put me into a freedom daze that I hadn't felt since before college.

Now I am on week 2.  I have an entrepreneur's mind, so I have already thought of countless ways for everyone here to make more money (however they seem to giggle them off as petty silly ways to an ego). I watch these ideas float through, only putting my attachment to a few that seem solid and stick. So far 2 have stuck. One is to interview a local shop owner. The other is to email one specific sentence to a soon to be close friend. For me that is a HUGE deal! For someone who jots down every idea and tries to chase after them like they are money trees or dark chocolate covered salted almonds ( YUM), it is very hard to let ideas go and only pay attention to the ones that seem most important to my wellbeing.( I'll try to keep this attribute with me when I return to my daily life. It is very freeing. )

The place I am staying in reminds me of a hostel in another county. And I mean that in the best way possible! it is clean in the important areas, but dusty and well…the toilets stink. We had to replace the shower curtain on day one! There are four people sharing the house with my husband and I and 2 more coming this week. There is one guy camping outside under the gazebo. Each day 2-6 other people drop in to work. And between that so many characters call and stop by adding their own spin to the intense drama.  The food we are making is amazing! (GREAT recipes coming soon!) I love all the people we have with us! Everyone is such a character. Through the shit talking and bouts of frustration , you can tell there is a sense of loving family and security. We are about 8 miles from town, then down a dirt road for about 1 mile into the forest. One of our neighbors is an ex-con who is the sweetest, most talkative, cheery person (and precise pencil and pointillism artists) I have ever met. The other neighbor lives with his wife is a beautiful house he built, filled with wood and glass work he creates ( plIus he is a film actor and straight shooter).  No phone. Spotty internet. fresh, sunny outdoors…ahhh!

Anyhow, so now I have 1.5 weeks left on this non-adventure adventure and I am loving every minute of it. I am now engaged partially, although i'm still trying to keep my personality at bay. My personality, or should I say personalities, so needed a rest!

I use to do this all the time growing up. By 'this' I mean allowing my ego/personality to sit on the side lines as I totally explore another being's life and lifestyle. In fact in middle school I even traded lives with a friend for a week for a science project. I was Julie for one whole week and she was Leila. I lived at her house, went to her classes, took her exams, and she did the same for me. People called me Julie ( even her sister, brother and parents). Her life was filled with school, cleaning and boardgames. The life she had taken over for me was filled with school, piano lessons, hebrew school, and karate. When we traded back lives she told me "I had no ideas you had a crazy life!" To me her life was simple and easy. It was nice for a week but I do love the craziness of excitement in the mind and adventure of learning and traveling into other realms of experiencing.

As one gets older it seems the only way to truly get out of the self is by mind altering substances that force the self/ personality/ego to step aside. But for me it is necessary to keep that flexibility of the self naturally. My motto is a flexible mind is a flexible body.  But as Karl Jansen M.D., Ph.D. wrote "It’s good to have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out."


… until next time. Ketamine: Dreams and Realities

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Plastic Self

"The body is a plastic instrument ." Quote from page 54 of "As a Man Thinketh".  What does James Allen mean by plastic instrument? Plastic from experience? Do i feel plastic? … Usually when i feel plastic i associate it with the water i have ingested from plastic containers. Sometimes i can feel those plastic particles attaching themselves to my inner body. My sister once told me in a harsh tone "sometimes you seem plastic." PLASTIC….. But why plastic and not wood or metal.. PLASTIC…. Perhaps i had become plastic because i like the pink pop of budge gum, shinny pop of lady gaga and madonna. I like the plastic shine of sparkles and water and bight colors.   Regardless of how i attracted this plastic self, i accept it and acknowledge it and now allow it is pass. Because i know we can all be tuned to experience what it is we want to.

So i am a plastic  tool, an instrument  created to tune. A human instrument that can be tuned like a musical instrument. We can all be tuned to experience the greater self. That is what i am doing when i teach yoga and dance and give massage. That is even what i am doing as i perform and draw you into my realm. I am tuning you and myself and together we harmonize, vibrating on a high level of acceptance and creativity. I am turning you and myself to the highest, most beautiful self that we can be at this moment. This plastic instrument can be cracked and a human can rise out of its shell.

I am all things and particles i have ingested through my breath, belly, eyes, ears and skin. I am the plastic from the water bottles, the earth from organic veggies, the pollution in the air, the oil in the water. Through my senses I have witnessed, tasted , touched, heard and experienced all i've exposed myself to and ALL THAT HAS BECOME ME. The food i ingest is me, the air in my city, the pollution in my home, the love i surround myself with, the tears dropped because of me and from me, the fears i've allowed to seep in, the TV i choose to watch, the media and commercials that rap my mind: That has all become me.

The fabric woven together with all my loving friends and family is definitely me. Now this instrument has become creaked and emerged from it a new instrument  that is sensitive to this realty we've created. It is breaking me down to the core of tears and sorrow only to rebuild into strength and acceptance. I once had unconditional love for all things good and evil: the sunrise and the trash. Now i have unconditional love for the being within that is sleeping within each of us. The "Sleeping Giant".  Underneath the plastic of our American society is a true breath of life awaiting to breathe the fresh crisp air of dawn. It is waiting to tune the body into your human instrument. That will be expressed differently for each of us. Some will create visions of beauty, some visions of gore. When expressed truly from that Human Being then all is pure and in tune with all.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Nature’s oil painting

Oct 4, 2010. Monday morning. San Diego weather is unpredictable. Santa Anna’s have passed along with being immersed in an oil painting of blues and oranges reflecting from the sky and water. Dolphins passed. Paddle boarders glided by and gaggles of surfers clothed in thick black neoprene sat on boards floating on liquid glass.  The moment’s texture was thick and sensual. Nature’s creativity brushing strokes of oil colors meshing, brightening, and accenting the blood orange sun as it set behind the deep blue ocean, reflecting itself on the ocean’s surface, painting the scenery with serenity.   My inner child alive with adventure was caught silenced as nature in all its awe communicated beauty and restfulness. My body numb from the ocean’s chill. Small humps of waves passed eye level and the sun was gone leaving only the memory of light. Waves woke and began to crash giving us ocean lovers a last chance to play before night fall.  

And now on Monday morning I am reminded of that humid, almost tropical, week and long for months of that. But here is San Diego the gloom of grey clouds settles and mist falls on to bare faces and hands.  The news always complains “it’s too hot. Too cold. Too Grey.” This morning they said “it’s unpredictable.” But it seems to me that ever year the same weather passes through.  Maybe that is the great thing about San Diego. That everyone is in the bliss space where waves wash away past moments leaving us in the NOW. If that is the case then I am glad to be in a state of unpredictability.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

You are the me I’m going to be. A vivid experience.




FORWARD: The other night I had an amazingly vivid experience. It had a feeling and texture. In order to record this experience I began to research, which lead me to Chakra Teleportation, Time Travel and the existence of Bardo. (Info on that is at the bottom.)

Here is a cool video that captures the exact feel of the dream : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkGeOWYOFoA

I hope you enjoy the read.  And please share your thoughts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through twisted wormholes and kaleidoscopes of different realities I traveled searching for a home for my energy self.  For a moment I was pushed through a wormhole into a ..?  

What am I?

My texture is non organic and I have a tough stickiness to me. I can semi feel cold water of the ocean splash over and move around me.  I cannot see anything except the glimmer of light shinning off of my plastic self, reflecting from the moonlight. I cannot speak or smell. The only sense I have is being.

I am a piece of plastic. A part of a plastic soda can ring container floating in the ocean.

Through the twisted wormhole at the speed of light, into my next self and I find my peers. All four of them with their heads so far away from me. Our heads are connected to fabric that is being weaved together into a blanket by a machine that we cannot see.  It is simply a beautiful feeling: comforting and cozy like a loving warm cuddle. I can feel the texture of each fabric weaving into me: Burlap. Silk. Cotton. Banana leaves. Duvetyn.  Smiles all around from the round heads at the ends of the fabric.

Through the twisted wormhole:

Here I am looking out into the world and see space. Nothing but space. The feeling: I am glamorous and self-absorbed with happiness. I am hogging all the limelight as I flaunt my fabulous, famous self to all space around me. My energy swims around my ‘body’. I am pink. I am wearing sunglasses. And I have a huge pink ass.  Wait for it…. Oh my gaud! I am a huge thanksgiving parade style floating Miss Piggy. Seriously! I laugh at the obscurity. Yep. I’m just floating solely in the atmosphere in love with myself in all my glamour.  I laugh and giggle and enjoy the silliness.

A beautiful kaleidoscopic twist and here I am:

I am ME. In my physical body standing. There is a grid all around me with buttons, knobs, leavers, switches and scales. It is like an 1800’s steam punk machine that is huge. I am just seeing a portion of it. I am moving dials and pushing buttons and sliding pressure gages with my body and hands. With each new position of my body or finger mudra I am tuning into specific channels and stations.

Off into another reality. This time there is no twist. Just straight up. And I am a huge entity. So huge I cannot see my self. I am light and airy. I am the creator. I am ME: the engineer of my world. I am building a huge machine that we are all a part of. A huge industrial machine with wheels and technology, steel and clocks, pressure gages…the works! Wow. This is the Me I a want to be! My physical body points at this great engineer and I say out loud “ You are the me I’m going to be.”
Wormhole to physical reality for a bit. I awake.

Wait is this reality? Am I awake?  I see my peers. I am lucid. I look into one man’s eyes. He says “A little to the right.”
Oh yes” I nod. And off into the greater being/ The Engineer. I am moving something to the right, adjusting my machine.  
At this point I am convinced I am not dreaming. I am convinced I am in reality with my peers and shifting back and forth from my greater self to my current human self.

Back to human self. I wait. Look at a friend’s body. She lifts her hand up and down.

Back to The Engineer and I adjust the machine as per her instructions.

Back to human self.. I am still standing, taking instruction from my peers.  Their sounds and movements tell me where the adjustment needs to be made. I stay there physically, using the grid around me to adjust. I use my meridians to tune us all in. I use my spirit and energy to catch the right wavelength, the right speed, and the right vehicle to get us to the perfect reality we want to go to. (Meridians are channels along which the energy of the psychophysical system flows. They are pathways of the positive and negative energy power, which carries on some of the communication between the various parts of human being. By manipulation and balancing of the energy running through this network of complex bodily patterns different effects can be made.)

But at last my dream within a dream is slowly closing. I rush, trying to log all the information, dial the correct knobs, and slide the correct levers. The grid is gone. We all sit on the bench. “I feel plugged in,” says a female voice. 
“Yes. Plugged in,” says another. We sit enjoying the moment of grounded acknowledgment.

Awake I am.

So I think. …. Could this be? A dream within a dream within a dream!

I start to feel a bit odd in the depth of my dan tien (triple heater / energy center below your belly button). The orange color of my chakra has a dark substance floating around in it. I know that in the Hindu tradition the word chakra means "wheel." So I spin my chakra in a clockwise motion vibrating the dark sticky oily substance (almost like tar) into a ball. I rise. Step to the edge of the boat and begin to puick up this impurity. What comes out is a huge vapor of blackness. I watch oil stains appear in the water surface below me. An impurity from society that I took in and spit back into the world, hopefully filtering a little dark mass into vapor.

I am pulled into a warm circle of friends. As I look at one of the females I see 1,000 eyes on top of her eyes. Some closed. Some open.  Instantly a download of information pours into me. As if they were acupuncture dolls, I see all the acupuncture points on their faces. On other faces I see Mayan symbols around their eyes, nose, cheeks and mouth. Looking at this beauty I wonder how much information is planted within my being. I question how am I connecting to that knowledge from within. ‘How can I pull knowledge from my Sushumna and bring it into my mind and into my mouth and pin. (Sushumna is the central channel, running up the body from just below sacrum to the crown of the head. All chakras spin around this gold white line of the subtle body.)

And I wake. From a dream within a dream within a dream.
I wake with this profound thought. How can I pull knowledge from my Sushumna and bring it into my mind and into my mouth and pin.’

I am left wondering: If I am the creator of my reality, in even a greater sense then I ever imagined before, then how do I create a reality that is full of wisdom and goodness. I do know that I cannot do this alone, and would not want to. It takes each one of us to tune in so that we can vibrate on a frequency of love, compassion and gratitude fully.  I have found my soul contracted beings and together we can create a world of laughter, community and simple goodness. We can create whatever we wish by tuning ourselves and by healing and tuning those in need. Perhaps just in the act of be being together, that in itself is greatness.…

This amazingly vivid dream has shown me the power we have as a community.  It has shared with me the power of positive action filled with gratitude and compassion. That combined with support and drive can tune us all into a great self with tunes us all into a great world.

Anyway, the machine is almost complete. It just needs a few more tune-ups and adjustments to be complete. I can’t wait to see where it will take us! Keep Dreaming!


Food for thought:
Every thing I have been researching on what this experience is has lead me to:
 Chakra Teleportation. Time Travel.
The space we go into sometimes when engaged in this experience is called Bardo.
From Wikipedia : T
he Tibetan word Bardo means literally "intermediate state" - also translated as "transitional state" or "in-between state". Used loosely, the term "bardo" refers to the state of existence intermediate between two lives on earth. According to Tibetan tradition, after death and before one's next birth, when one's consciousness is not connected with a physical body, one experiences a variety of phenomena. For the prepared and appropriately trained individuals the bardo offers a state of great opportunity for liberation, since transcendental insight may arise with the direct experience of reality, while for others it can become a place of danger as the karmically created hallucinations can impel one into a less than desirable rebirth.

From www.neurovisionacademy.com : [Through meditation] The practitioner [of this Bardo Space ] is able to holographically enter into any of the screens of the human internet and engage all phantom senses holographically.

Pretty cool!






Wednesday, September 8, 2010

That’s when I realized life is for living!


August 18, 2010:  Just another wed night.

Sitting alone in a beige room clothed in beige. It's not what you think when you think beige. It is beautifully alive and simply elegant. I am waiting... not waiting... I am listening, breathing, stretching, writing... until they tell me I'm "on". At that point I get to express the moment to the fullest. The moment I've created my life around. This moment. This energizing serene moment, right before my music starts. The crowd will be silenced and I am allowed to show myself fully and am fully accepted in all my authenticity. It is me at that moment fully: ME! Alive. Awakened. Conscious. Passionate. In tune. Aware: aware of the music, the floor beneath my bare feet, the lights that may or may not be highlighting my moves, the space which is constantly different ('Is it too small that I can barely turn with two 3 foot veils? Is it so big that I must project myself above and beyond everyone's heads?'), aware of the audience response and emotion ('Is she jealous of my youth, vibrancy and physic? Is he shy or afraid to look at me because his women might sneer at him later? This woman loves my art in all its elegance! And that man ... oh I won't look his way any more.') so may thoughts running through my head. So much to be aware of as I dance and perform for the crowd of seemingly normal Americans. About 90% of the time the audience as a whole appreciates my art, however, once in a while there are a few who fully are confused and awkward. But back to now....

Now: There is the ringing of spoons on Champaign glasses, a toast coming from the other room. "Ice breaker questions, " a man says.  It all turns into mumbles from where I am in the guest bedroom surrounded by beige and white and a beautiful soft pink wall. I am sipping on buttery white wine waiting... writing, living, breathing, stretching. A framed Thank You letter from Jamie Lee Curtis and the Orangewoods Children foundation hangs on the wall in front of me. It thanks my client for her work with the Women for Children Scholarship luncheon.

In the hallway there is another framed article about my clients son's successful recovery from a brain tumor at the age of 4.  The article explains that she had noticed her son had headaches and was vomiting often. She had his eyes checked and found nothing. As the vomiting got worse she had them checked again. This time the optometrist found something in the optical nerve.  Because of her diligence and consciousness she found her sons tumor in time. A neurologist removed the benign tumor and now her son is a 'normal' child: playing sports, and living a 'normal' life. 

I overhear parts of a conversation from the dinning room from a gentleman: “ I got clocked on the right side of my face. I wake up in a hospital bed with tubes in my arms and nose... I think I’m a pretty handsome guy, but now I had no right face and tubes up my nose. That’s when I realized life is for living! So I got out of the hospital. …We went out to clubs and lived it up. I would just tape the tubes from my nose to the side of my ear. People would try not to stare... I had reconstructive surgery. It took me 10 years to finally have full control of my right facial muscles... and I had to work at it.”

On the table beside me there is a newspaper clipping with a man (my clients husband) with a metal around his neck, he is in motion running past the breaking winning ribbon in a triathlon.

So maybe this isn’t a household of beige 'normal Americas’ as I said before.  Maybe each one of them has a heroic story to tell.

My heroic story… hum… I would like to believe I live it each time I dance.  The entire experience is intuitive and heroic. I embrace the moment fully in all its glory and emotion and sometimes that emotion shocks me, and others, a bit. But that is what’s great about it. It is true to what is happening in all our elemental, physical and astral being at that exact moment. Think of it like a painting.

Van Gogh painted mostly outside to capture the changing light of the fields, the sunflowers, the meadows, or landscapes. His textures capture the intensity of his internal state. His colors capture the vibrancy of nature. And in there somewhere the wind and temperature is captured. I’m not sure where, but it is there. I feel it when I look at his art. I feel all the texture of emotion, atmosphere, sound, temperature, past, present, future – all of it. It was heroic of him to give into his passion and do what he felt instead of what was asked of by society. You can see that rampant urge in his art. I dance like an oil painting… colors swirling together, thick and expressive.
From the other room I hear silver on glass again “Clink Clink Clink. Lets here it for our belly dancer!” 

Gotta run…..